Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
