I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
