I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
