a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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