I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
