I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
