then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
