I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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