They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
