Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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