Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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