i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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