just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
