im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
