he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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