the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
