Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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