Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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