he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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