and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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