do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
