OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
