I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So many bounce houses so little time
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
