grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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