he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
