you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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