the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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