Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
