I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
