but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
