either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
