Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
