I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
