i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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