I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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