Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
