just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
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