And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
