lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
