this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
