I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
