how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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