I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
