3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
