this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
