Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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