You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
