If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
