why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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