New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
