Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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