if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
