upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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