I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
