Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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